Happy One-Year Anniversary to Me

It has been one year since I started working at my company. In celebration of this momentus occasion, I was at the office until 9 P.M. last night, working.

Not griping though - there is no time to gripe. We're behind schedule! The Redcoats are coming! Our deliverable is due! (The second phrase was meant to provide context for the urgency of the situation. I hope that was properly understood.) I am such a dork.

My favorite: Season

Do you know that autumn is my favorite season? My wedding is definitely going to be a fall wedding... not that I think about that stuff.

I love everything about it, especially the temperature and the sunlight. It's not rainy (spring), it's not hot & humid (summer), and not cold (Ithaca). It is the perfect temperature - if you go running outside, you sweat a little, but you can walk for miles without even feeling hot. You can walk outside, take a deep breath, and feel crisp air in your lungs - I love that. Take a deep breath now- you feel that crispness? NO! Because it’s not quite autumn yet. I also love that the sun is golden - not yellow or white, but gold, like it is right before sunset. It's just right for my favorite articles of clothing: long pants or jeans, a cottony shirt and light jacket, or a sweater (think wool and fleece). Accessorize accordingly.

I think that psychologically, it represents new beginnings too (opposite of what most people think). For the past 17 years, it has represented the beginning of the school year. New friends, new classes, new knowledge, new pencils/folders/binders, new hobbies. And it represents the beginning of lots of vacation weekends and therefore family gatherings. And fun holidays like Halloween, which reminds me of big and small orange pumpkins everywhere. It also represents many opportunities to make crunching sounds as I walk because of all the crispy fallen leaves. So autumn not only bears warm food and warm fabrics, but also warm feelings. It makes me miss school, and it reminds of so many good things, in addition to the gorgeous auburns, reds and golds, and the swirl of very crisp air through my nose and in my lungs. This morning would have been a good one to wear a light coat for the first time all year. I’m so excited that it’s Autumn soon.

At the risk of sounding like a 6th grader, what's your favorite season?

Porn in Public - Not OK.

While sitting in seat 4-A on my flight to Minneapolis this afternoon (that's FIRST CLASS, biotch. Refer to previous post about GOLD STATUS), a very plump and dressed-to-go-a-huntin' young man sat down next to me. He had a slight speech impediment, which I first took to be a mental handicap.

The young man, Mark I think is his name, 'Blessed-me' when I sneezed, said "Excuse me, Miss?" to call for the flight attendant, and offered me some Bite-Size Butterfinger Balls (did I mention he was plump?) before he had any. I thought, "Golly, what a nice, young man." Yes, so what if I think the word "Golly" to myself when it's appropriate? As I proceeded to dabble in my work and read a few magazines (Shape and The Economist, because I know you were dying to know), he decided to do the same. So, Mark, sitting in seat 4-B, unwraps from a clear plastic bag a brand new shiny magazine. STOP.

That line is a dead giveaway. Hello- what kind of magazine comes in a plastic bag? Not The Economist! Not Road & Track! Not Vogue! Oh, but Sweet Tits does! Or was it, Cheeks & ASS? I couldn't really read the title because I was so distracted by the GIGANTIC NIPPLES on the cover. DID YOU GET THE MEMO THAT IT'S OK TO READ A PORN MAGAZINE IN PUBLIC!? I might have, but must of deleted it along with the slew of memos I got. Like the one about it being ok to fart in someone else's personal space. Or to sneeze without saying excuse me. Or to vomit on your neighbor's lasagna.

It's as ludicrous as whipping out your laptop (LAPTOP) and watching something from the Spice Channel, and without headphones! He continued to finger (ew) through the pages, like it was the Sunday Times, until a nice piping hot plate of lasagna was set in front of him for dinner.

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On a completely different and unrelated topic and so sorry to include it in this same post:
ANJUM, CONGRATULATIONS. I AM VERY EXCITED FOR YOU ON (am I allowed to say what?)! AREN'T WE ALL, PEOPLE?

On exercising...

I started going to the gym 3 weeks ago, and it kicked my butt last night. I did a "Butt and Gutt" class, which will be my goal to conquer from today forth.

The instructor was a very tall and extremely thin brunette. So thin that I assumed she wasn’t actually fit, but just incredibly skinny naturally. I couldn't see any muscles, just saw a skinny body. Well, 2 minutes into the workout, I had an epiphany: “My muscles, they are so weak!” I thought my muscles were actually strong, but her class kicked my butt/gutt. I was in AWE at her endurance - I couldn't figure out how someone so thin had enough muscle strength to keep lifting the same 3lb weight over and over when I was STRAINING to even hold it up at that point. Please don’t laugh at my 3lb weight; lift that weight with muscles you never use 60 times and see if you’re crying for dopamine. The 3lb weight became my enemy at that point.

A specific exercise ripped me apart. They were hip muscle exercises; but I did two reps and almost spontaneously combusted. Instructions were to lay on your side, rest one end of a body bar on the foot of the outer leg, and the other end on the floor in front of you. Lift your leg up and down, up and down. I thought, “piece of cake I’ve been doing lunges for the past 3 weeks”. It wasn’t until I was burning a hole through the side of my shorts did I realize I’ve never used that muscle before and it was just untouched meat sitting on the side of my pelvis. I had to stop a few times, remove the body bar, and full out take a nap, before she was done with her thousandth rep.

I don't feel sore though, so I will keep taking that class. I can’t wait for the day when I write to you, “Damn amateurs in the class can’t even lift this 50lb weight 60 times? Why do they let these idiots into the class?” Just kidding…I’d still be using a 3lb weight.

"New York Changing"

I would like to see this exhibit before it ends on Nov. 20:
http://www.nychanging.com/

From the web site:

New York Changing: Douglas Levere Revisits Berenice Abbott’s New York presents 50 pairs of photographs by contemporary photographer Douglas Levere and world-renown photographer Berenice Abbott. Abbott’s iconic photographs, drawn from the Museum’s permanent collection, were taken in the 1930s and first published in her landmark book, Changing New York (1939). More than six decades later, Levere used the same camera Abbott had used and returned to the same locations at the same time of day and the same time of year. Indeed, he took on the role of detective as he successfully sought to understand and replicate every aspect of Abbott’s process. When seen side by side, these two remarkable bodies of work reveal much about the city and the nature of urban transformation. Perhaps more than anything else, these carefully crafted images powerfully suggest that in New York, the only constant is change.

I NY

Hello, Chopped Liver!

That is all.

A quick update

I am in NYC for this week and next, with occasional trips to Jersey for the client. I just wanted to say hello and not leave this blog unattended to for more than a few days.

My high school reunion is coming up - will see some familiar faces and that's what I am looking forward to most.

P.S. Hi Jimmy - you are on my mind and i just wanted to tell you that. I am looking forward to that bowl of beef noodle soup with you and can't wait for the lunch when we get to do that.

Random Crap

I go on and on about how much I want to travel around the world and see everything all the time. But, it isn't easy being a woman and traveling alone, especially at night or through less... civil areas. Well, check out this website: Tango Diva. I knew I was onto something when I said that you can find anything online.

I met a blond stripper the other night and she claims to own a condo in Miami, a house on a lake in Atlanta, and a closet of Vera Wang dresses. Not that I'm contemplating a new occupation, but unless Accenture's stock skyrockets to $1,000/share... Anyway - a blond joke for your entertainment:

A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. She says she's going to The Bahamas on vacation for one week and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce. The car is parked on the street in front of the bank, she has the title and everything checks out. The bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the blonde for using a $250,000 Rolls as collateral against a $5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then proceeds to drive the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it there. One week later, the blonde returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41. The loan officer says, "Miss, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?" The blond replies "Where else in New York City can I park my car for a week for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?" A smart blonde.

Good As Gold

My friends, you are too funny. Please keep writing and leaving comments; it gives me something to giggle about quietly as I learn about calculating Return on Invested Capital. Which may not be a good thing, if people in my training class think that I am giggling at ROIC = NOPLAT/Invested Capital. Although, they probably giggled their way through getting their MBA... and the vastly higher salary they make as a result.

On another note, I have just acquired GOLD ELITE status with Northwest Airlines. This means:
1. Automatic upgrades to First Class if a seat is available
2. Access to the express security checkpoints at the airport
3. Automatic doubling of mileage every time I fly
4. Elite recognition when flying on the SkyTeam network

What this really means:
1. Automatic upgrades to First Class if a seat is available - When flying through LaGuardia, I've yet to receive an upgrade because First Class seats are always taken by Platinum status members. In order to become a member of this class, one must accumulate enough miles to what equates to weekly flights from New York to the Himalayas to the middle of the Kalahari to the bottom of the Atlantic. I anticipate becoming Platinum in a few weeks.
2. Access to the express security checkpoints at the airport - This is the best perk. Every Monday morning, I anticipate a 5 minute wait at security, while groggy morning travelers stand online (‘inline’ for you non-New Yorkers), bobbing up and down, slowing schlepping along, for 20 minutes. This is especially useful during Jewish holidays, when all the schmucks and schlemiels from Brooklyn and Bayside clog the lines and increase the wait time to a whopping 40 minutes.
3. Automatic doubling of mileage every time I fly - Currently in my mileage repository, I have banked 101,106 miles (53, 134 accumulated in 2005). Earth's circumference around the equator is 24,902 miles. Need I say more?
4. Elite recognition when flying on the SkyTeam network - At the airport, when I arrive, throngs of Chippendales dancers carry me on a golden throne, margarita in hand, into my private quarters on my personal jet, while the flight attendants fluff the Gucci bathrobe they have tailor made for me in preparation for my flight.

Traveling; it's not so bad.

In Hotlanta

Hotlanta is not so much how as Very Rainy. It was misty and musty all day, and is now rainy. But, rainy is acceptable if one is staying at the ultra-luxurious Intercontinental Hotel in Buckhead.

Marble bathrooms with separate tub and shower, cherry wood furniture, tv panels embedded in the treadmills, tastefully appointed decor. The restaurant downstairs, Au Pied du Cochan, is a very nice French restaurant with traditional brassiere fair. The last time I was staying at this hotel, there was an ice-storm (in Hotlanta), and I had a fever the entire time. Thank goodness this time, I'm able to enjoy it, and don't you worry - I will enjoy it to its fullest.

Vote for Jeanne!

Jimmy, in a continuous display of love that baffles me sometimes (Hi Gege), asked me if I knew my blood type. I had to call my pediatrician, Dr. Liu (who I would still see as my general practitioner if only I weren't old enough to be one of her nurses), to get this vital information (type O or O positive... I already forgot).

So guys, do you know your blood type? Do you absolutely know what medicines or foods cause an allergic reaction? Do you know what to do if you severed a body part or spilled acid on your skin (because this happens often at our desks in the office)? The point is, we are not taught the most essential information about safety, nor do we know some of the most vital and basic information about our own health.

My fear is that we will not need to know these things until it is too late. In high school, we learn about sexually transmitted diseases, but not what do in order to save someone's life. So you'd know "HEY, I have crabs!" but not how to perform the Heimlich when I'm choking on one of those excessively large neon orange Centrum multi-vitamin pills (true story-- the vitamin part).

When I am President of the United States of America, I will indoctrinate in all schools a requirement to teach basic life-saving skills to all students. Stranded on an island with no electricity? No problem! Almost drowned and in need of CPR? Piece of cake! Stuck in a sand trap in the Amazon? Crap I ran out of analogous phrases. And if Congress doesn't approve, you ask? I'll wait until they adjourn for the summer.

So, do I have your vote?!

Test

I just realized that there is a little icon that looks like a photo because it is meant to be clicked in order to add an image! I will test it now:

I am elated.